Short answer: you cannot make someone stop drinking, but you can make treatment more likely. The approaches with the best evidence are calm, specific conversations at a sober moment, rewarding sober behavior while letting drinking carry its own consequences, having a treatment option ready for when they say yes, and getting support for yourself. In a clinical trial, families trained in this approach (called CRAFT) got 64% of their loved ones into treatment, compared with 30% for a confrontational “Johnson-style” intervention and 13% for Al-Anon facilitation alone.
Alcohol withdrawal can cause seizures and delirium tremens. Call 911 if someone in withdrawal has a seizure, severe confusion, hallucinations or a high fever. Plan for medically supervised detox instead.
Loving someone with a drinking problem is exhausting. You may have tried pleading, arguing, hiding bottles or covering for them, and nothing has stuck. That is common. According to NIAAA, about 28 million people in the U.S. had alcohol use disorder in 2024, and fewer than 1 in 10 got any treatment. Families are often the reason someone finally does. This guide covers what helps, what backfires, and how to get a loved one from “no” to admitted.
Step 1: Learn what you are dealing with
“Alcoholic” is an everyday word. Clinicians use alcohol use disorder (AUD), which ranges from mild to severe. NIAAA rates it by how many of 11 symptoms a person has had in the past year: 2 to 3 is mild, 4 to 5 moderate, and 6 or more severe. Signs you might notice as a family member:
- Drinking more or longer than they meant to, and failing to cut back
- Cravings, or a lot of time spent drinking or recovering from it
- Problems at work, at home or with the law that do not lead to change
- Giving up activities they used to enjoy
- Needing more to feel the effect (tolerance)
- Withdrawal symptoms such as shakes, sweating, anxiety or insomnia when not drinking
Understanding that AUD is a medical condition, not a lack of willpower, makes it easier to talk about without blame. It can also run in families; see whether alcoholism is genetic.
Step 2: Have the conversation the right way
Timing and tone matter more than the perfect words.
- Pick a sober, calm moment. Not during or right after drinking, and not in the middle of an argument.
- Use “I” statements and specifics. “I was scared when you drove home on Friday” lands better than “You’re an alcoholic.”
- Say what you have seen, not what you think they are. Labels invite denial. Facts are harder to dismiss.
- Listen. Ask what they think about their drinking and what worries them. People are more likely to change for their own reasons than for yours.
- Make one clear ask. For example: “Would you talk to a doctor?” or “Would you call this treatment center with me?”
- Expect a no, and do not treat it as final. Most people need several conversations. Stay calm, and come back to it.
Step 3: Change what happens around the drinking
This is the core of Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT), the family approach with the strongest research behind it. In the 1999 trial by Miller, Meyers and Tonigan, family members trained in CRAFT engaged 64% of their loved ones in treatment, more than twice the rate of a confrontational intervention.
The idea is to make sober time more rewarding and drinking less convenient, without threats or rescues:
- Reward sobriety. Spend time, do favorite activities and show warmth when they are sober.
- Step back when they drink. Calmly leave, skip the planned activity, and do not argue with someone who is intoxicated.
- Stop shielding them from consequences. Do not call in sick for them, clean up after them, or pay off drinking-related costs. Let natural consequences happen, as long as they are safe.
- Watch for openings. A hangover, a scare, or a moment of regret is when people are most open to help. Have your ask ready.
- Keep everyone safe. If there is any risk of violence, your safety comes first. Leave and call 911 if needed.
What usually backfires
- Lecturing, shaming or name-calling
- Arguing with someone who is drunk
- Pouring out or hiding alcohol (it rarely stops drinking and often escalates conflict)
- Empty ultimatums you will not follow through on
- Making excuses to employers, friends or family
- Drinking with them to “keep an eye on” them
- Waiting for them to “hit rock bottom” before acting
Want help planning the next step? Our admissions team talks with families every day. We can explain detox and residential treatment, check insurance, and help you prepare for the conversation. Calls are free and confidential.
Step 4: Have treatment lined up before they say yes
When someone finally agrees, the window can close fast. Do the groundwork now:
- Know what level of care fits. Someone who drinks heavily every day usually needs medical detox first, because withdrawal can be dangerous. After detox, residential alcohol rehab gives structured, round-the-clock support. If an outpatient program is a better fit, our team can assist in finding outpatient options.
- Check insurance. Most health plans cover substance use treatment. You can verify insurance online or read whether insurance covers detox in Texas. For costs and payment options, see cost and payment.
- Sort out the practical barriers. Work, kids, pets and transport are common reasons people back out. Learn about taking time off work for treatment and what to bring.
- Have the number ready. Save the admissions line in your phone so you can call together the moment they agree.
Should you stage an intervention?
Surprise, confrontational interventions are what most people picture, but the evidence for them is weaker than for CRAFT. In the Miller trial, only 30% of loved ones entered treatment in the Johnson intervention group, and many families did not go through with the confrontation at all. If you do bring family together, keep it calm and loving, avoid ambushing, and have a treatment bed ready. A professional interventionist or counselor can help you plan it.
What if an adult refuses all help?
Adults generally have the right to refuse treatment. In Texas, a court can order treatment for chemical dependency in limited situations, such as when a person is likely to seriously harm themselves or others or is severely deteriorating, under Chapter 462 of the Texas Health and Safety Code. The process goes through the county court and is usually a last resort. Speak with an attorney or the court clerk about how it works in your county.
Until then, keep using the CRAFT approach, protect yourself and any children, and stay ready. Many people say yes after several noes.
Step 5: Take care of yourself
Living with someone’s drinking affects your sleep, health, money and relationships. Getting support is not giving up on them, and it often helps them too. Options include:
- Al-Anon and Alateen for family members and teens
- SMART Recovery Family & Friends, which is based on CRAFT
- A therapist who works with families affected by addiction, or family therapy
If you recognize patterns like constantly managing their moods or putting your needs last, read about codependency with an addict. Our resources for families explain how we involve loved ones during treatment. Long-term heavy drinking can also cause serious brain damage; learn the warning signs of wet brain.
Frequently asked questions
How do you help an alcoholic who doesn’t want help?
Stay calm and keep the relationship. Reward sober time, stop covering for drinking, let natural consequences happen safely, and raise treatment again during moments of regret. This approach, called CRAFT, gets about two in three loved ones into treatment in research studies.
What should you not say to an alcoholic?
Avoid labels, insults, threats you will not follow through on, and arguments while they are drinking. Phrases like “You’re a drunk” or “You’ll never change” usually trigger defensiveness. Describe specific events and how they affected you instead.
Can you force an adult into rehab in Texas?
Usually not. Texas law allows court-ordered chemical dependency treatment in limited cases, such as a serious risk of harm or severe deterioration, through the county court. It is a last resort; most people enter treatment after family encouragement.
Is it safe for an alcoholic to just stop drinking?
Not always. People who drink heavily every day can have seizures or delirium tremens when they stop suddenly. They should talk to a doctor or go through medically supervised detox.
Do interventions work?
Confrontational interventions help some families, but research favors a calmer, ongoing approach. In one trial, 64% of loved ones entered treatment with CRAFT, compared with 30% with a Johnson-style intervention.
What happens when you call a treatment center for a loved one?
An admissions coordinator will ask about the person’s drinking, health and insurance, explain the levels of care, and help you plan how and when to bring them in. You can call before your loved one has agreed.
Last updated: November 2026. This page is general information, not medical or legal advice. Sources: Alcohol Treatment in the United States, NIAAA, 2026; Understanding Alcohol Use Disorder, NIAAA, 2025; Miller WR, Meyers RJ, Tonigan JS. Engaging the unmotivated in treatment for alcohol problems. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 1999;67:688–697; Tips for supporting loved ones with alcohol use disorders, MedlinePlus Magazine; Caretaker Support Resources, NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator.
